


Small Brains, Large... Heart

by zaogao



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaogao/pseuds/zaogao
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick knows two things to be true: 1) The Kaner Shuffle brings all the boys to the yard and 2) Tazer's ass overcomes all obstacles. Or maybe that is, Patrick would overcome any obstacle for dat ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Small Brains, Large... Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arioch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arioch/gifts).



> Huge thanks to jillsjourney for beta-ing and the super fast turn around time! Any mistakes are all mine.

Hitting the clubs wasn’t the same as it used to be, but it was shaping up to be a good night anyway. Sharpy and Shawsy were holding down the fort with Patrick. He’d lost track of everyone else. Patrick was feeling good. Great, even. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in a while. After all the noise from PR and the media, he cut back on his drinking. But he was there with his boys, and it was good to finally let loose.

 

He was actually supposed to be explaining something at that moment, but he couldn’t remember what they were talking about. Shawsy was nodding reluctantly, he looked kind of disgusted but impressed at the same time.

 

“I know To-ez isn’t here, but you need to shut up about his damn a--”, Sharpy started to complain, but by then Patrick had found his second wind and soldiered on.

 

“And I don’t know how it came up but, I found out that Tazer could balance a cup on his huge you know--” Patrick trailed off, as he caught sight of her. She was beautiful. She had long brown hair, which she tossed back and forth in time with the music. She had gorgeous legs and an ass that wouldn’t quit. People were giving her a wide berth which was dumb but who knows, they were probably intimidated by her awesomeness. Patrick could relate, he was hot shit and some just people couldn’t handle that.

 

Sharpy gave Patrick a nudge that knocked him out of his thoughts and almost to his ass.

 

“Gonna go teach her the Kaner shuffle, eh?” Sharpy said, winking with that pretty boy face of his. _That fucker_.

 

Shawsy gave him thumbs up, and that settled it. Pat couldn’t let his boys down; he had to show them how it was done. He downed the last of his beer and swaggered his way over to the dance floor.

 

Up close, he could see the way her short black dress rode up her thighs. She hadn’t seen him yet, so he murmured “hey babe” as he sidled in behind her. Patrick slid his hands across her hips and pulled her close as they started dancing together. Her ass was even better up close, grinding against him. He felt her muscles rippling under his fingertips.

 

He hoped that Sharpy was eating his heart out.

 

He decided to step it up a notch, and twirled her around. Girls loved that.

 

Apparently, she didn’t though--when she saw him, her eyes widened and she took a step back. Maybe she recognized him, read some article about him on Deadspin... Damnit, the press was always cockblocking him.

 

“I’m Patrick. What’s your name?” She just stared at him, and Patrick was starting to feel like he’d met her before. Something in the fiery black heat of her stare and the color red rising high in her cheeks. He couldn’t place her though... He’d pissed off many a woman before, so he could only hope she wasn’t one of them.

 

“Jo... Ann.” She said, biting her lip in a way that was more sexy than anything else. “Uh, I need to go.”

 

Patrick couldn’t tell if she was playing hard to get or not. What, did she just remember she left her oven on or something? Or was it like when someone was saying something but really meant the total opposite and somehow he was supposed to know the difference? But he had a feeling if he let her go now, she’d disappear into the crowd and he’d never see her again. Maybe it was a little crazy, but he knew he didn’t want that to happen.

 

“Don’t be shy. Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

 

Patrick grabbed her hand and led her to the bar. She followed in a stupor; the poor girl must have been so starstruck. Or maybe it was just his good looks. Now that he’d cut his hair a little shorter, the ladies were really just falling for him like never before. Damn, Jackie was always right but he would never be able to tell her that.

 

The second Patrick let go of her hand in order to take out his wallet, she was gone. Pat had never seen someone move so fast in heels, and without thinking, he chased right after her.

 

She glared at him over her shoulder.

 

“Why the hell are you following me?” She yelled, not even breaking her pace. But because her eyes were trained on him, she didn’t see what Patrick saw: Sharp and Hossa rounding the corner.

 

“Wait, no really! Stop!”

 

She didn’t listen of course, but no one ever did when Patrick was involved. She crashed straight into Sharp, but he caught her arm and kept her from damaging herself on the floor of the club.

 

“I’m sorry, miss. Are you alright?”

 

JoAnn just looked at Sharp, mouth dropping open. Okay, she was starstruck again. This woman was really giving Patrick whiplash. Was she a fan or did she hate their guts?

 

 

“Miss?” Sharpy repeated.

 

JoAnn and Sharpy looked at each other for a long moment, the silence stretching on between them. Hossa was just looking on in confusion.

 

“Jonny? What are you doing in that?” Hossa said, breaking the silence.

 

Both Patricks turned to stare at JoAnn.

 

Patrick swore that must have been a lie but JoAnn, no,  Jonny just stared back sort of like a deer caught in headlights. A deer caught in headlights while wearing stiletto heels and lacy women’s clothing. How in the hell did Patrick miss this? He rubbed his eyes, but no, his captain was still standing in front of him, murder-eyes staring out from behind a curtain of brown hair. His eyelashes were heavily mascara-ed, and his lips painted in pink, but oh god, it was so obvious now!  Patrick couldn’t believe it. He had a visceral flashback of--JONNY!--twerking against him, and that gave him a burning feeling in the pit of his stomach and all sorts of vertigo.

 

“Um,” Jonny’s gaze darted between the three of them and away again. Without another word, he punched Sharp on the arm and stormed out the door.

 

Sharp started cracking up immediately.

 

“Oh wow,” He gasped out between laughs. “Kaner, did Johnny really just catfish you--” He descended into another round of laughter while Hossa just shook his head sadly and walked away.

 

“I’m going to go tell Bur that Jonny makes one ugly lady,” Sharp said. He snickered to himself while pulling out his cellphone.

 

“Shut up! He’s pretty...” Patrick snapped, voice loud in the sudden quiet of the hallway. His brain was slow to catch up with his mouth, and _oh god_ , he really wasn’t drunk enough to say shit like that. Patrick turned and left the club before he could hand over any other ammunition to Sharpy.

 

\----

 

Patrick was pissed.

 

He waited for a text, a call, any sort of sign from Jonny about what the hell was going on--was it all a prank? When Johnny didn’t even look at him, much less speak to him at their next practice, it seemed more and more unlikely that Johnny was going to say anything about that Friday night ever again.

 

Patrick paced around his apartment.  If Jonny was going to play a joke like that, what was the punch line? Tazer wasn’t really known for going all out like that anyway. It made no sense... It would be up to Patrick himself if he wanted to resolve things with Jonny.

 

 _That settled it_. He jumped in his car, and drove to Jonny’s apartment. He usually called ahead, but he’d be damned if he gave Tazer enough warning to leave the apartment or skip town or _whatever_.

 

Patrick had barely knocked when Tazer pulled open his door and allowed him to step into his apartment.

 

“What do you want Kaner?” Jonny looked pale, with dark circles under his eyes. The longer Patrick stared at him, the more shark-like Jonny’s gaze became. Jonny had this resigned look, like when he was gearing up for a fight on ice even though he knew he was probably going to get his ass kicked. Seeing him like this, Patrick forgot everything that he was going to say and why he was even angry at all.

 

“Jonny,” he said softly and they just looked at each other until Patrick couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t know what Jonny was reading on his face, but Patrick knew he couldn’t hide his feelings worth a damn. And what he was feeling was that Jonny could be annoying and stubborn like crazy, but he was also the one guy that Patrick could always count on. The one guy that understood him, sometimes even better than he understood himself. So he stepped up and hugged Jonny close. Patrick could feel it when Jonny gave in: his whole body sagged and he wrapped his arms around Patrick so tightly, it felt like he would burst.

 

“I thought you were messing around with me,” Patrick whispered. His face was buried in Jonny’s neck but Patrick forced himself to lean away so he could look Jonny in the eye.

 

“Pat, I wouldn’t. It’s something I do--it’s a part of me,” And Jonny looked so wide-eyed and sincere. They were so close to each other, all he could think of was that night and how it felt to have Jonny in his arms. It was something that Patrick hadn't realized he wanted, or maybe he had just wanted it for so long that Patrick couldn’t tell the difference anymore. With all these thoughts reaching a crescendo in his head, Patrick couldn't help but lean forward and kiss him. Jonny stood there frozen, his chapped lips warm but motionless against Patrick's. After a few seconds, Patrick was beginning to seriously worry that he had read all the signs wrong but then Jonny kissed him back.

 

Patrick backed Jonny the wall of the hallway, boxing him in. He seemed not to mind and instead pulled Patrick closer with his hands on Patrick's ass. Time started coming to Patrick in fits and starts, he couldn’t say when or how he’d lost his shirt or pants, but it didn’t matter when he could feel Jonny’s hard-on pressing insistently into his own.

 

“Bedroom?” Jonny asked, the red color on his cheeks turning even darker as Patrick licked his lips.

 

“Race you there,” Patrick responded, cracking up as Jonny tripped over his own shoes in his effort to win.

 

\----

 

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was you,” Patrick said later, panting slightly as they laid down after what Patrick had to admit was a pretty damn awesome orgasm. He could only imagine all the amazingly athletic sex that was in his near future. Jonny snorted, but in his own orgasm-addled state, allowed himself to be bullied into optimal small-spoon positioning.

 

“I don’t know. JoAnn is pretty convincing,” Jonny said, using that Captain-Serious voice he always used when he was trying, and failing, to be funny.

 

“The Hoss though! He just took one look at you and called it.”

 

“I don’t know, Pat. He’s a smart guy. Got the brains of the team, I guess. ”

 

“Whatever,” Patrick glared at Jonny, who rolled over in Pat’s arms so that they were lying face to face.  “You saying I’ve got small brains or something?”

 

“C’mon Pat. You know I don’t like you for your big brains. I obviously like you for your big d--” Patrick lunged at Jonny before he could finish his sentence, and wrestled him down until Jonny admitted defeat. It took longer than anticipated and involved some tickling on Patrick's part.

 

“I think,” Patrick said as he covered Jonny’s body with his own. “I think that a part of me recognized you. Like, even if I didn’t realize it at first, I knew right here.” Patrick motioned to his heart.

 

There was a pause, and Patrick worried that he'd said too much, too soon. Then Jonny surged forwards and kissed him desperately, like he was trying to get closer than they already were, their limbs already tangled up in each other.

 

Jonny spent the rest of the night showing Patrick all the parts of him that he did appreciate. They both had each other right where they wanted.

  



End file.
